so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
Randomize
