guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
I'm watching a show called "I didn't know I was pregnant" on TLC...Apparently this happens enough that there is a series
His hands were made for my vagina.
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
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