you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
Randomize
