oh no, I think we did it in the 'front asshole'
i think i have two assholes
I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
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