last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
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