Cool, see you soon... she just admitted to her friends that it was a queef.
Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
Randomize
