you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
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