Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
Exactly. I don't do penetration on the first date. Blowjobs however are perfectly acceptable.
I encourage the greeting beej. It determines if the dick is worth keeping around.
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
I just haven't been myself lately. I slept with a guy 21 years older than me and I've been wearing my hair in a center part.
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
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