i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
I just googled "semen solvent" and got nothing. there has to be something that will wash this shit off!
I see a marketing opportunity
I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
where are you?
Hypothermia
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
Tranny group. Dance off. Horse hair and dicks swinging. I. Cant. Unsee. This.
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
Randomize
