I love how girls just decide that guys who don't like them must be gay
I do the same thing. If a girl doesn't like me...I am like, "i must be gay"
Dude, this old lady messaged me on Facebook talking about her grandson and wanted to know shit about me. I'd almost call her a cougar except she looks like mashed potatoes that have come alive.
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
how am i in montreal? thats like a 3 hour train ride. i remember nothing.
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
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