my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
We smoked speed and opium for the first time. ended up harvesting cucumbers with locals at 9am in a farmers field. Laos is fuckin crazy.
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
I caught a glimpse of his penis. I can only imagine what your mom's vagina goes through because of that penis
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
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