just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
And then my night got REAL pukey
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
Randomize
