This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
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