Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
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