he just referred to himself as the billy mays of his frat.. heres how to order
we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
well he is only 50 percent black.. but after last night i am 100 percent not going back
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
Randomize
