she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
O no, u 2 are dating again?
No. I just masturbate furiously to his picture
watching E! true Hollywood story: curse of the lottery.. i'd probably spend all my money on blow and airplanes too..
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
Randomize
