I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
Well for number 40 i would prefer to at least like the guy attached to the dick
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
I'm glad we smoked together,that was probs the biggest sibling bonding we will ever have.
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
Randomize
