Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
he was cumming and all I could think about was the pathway of sperm the in penis. thanks a lot nursing
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
Randomize
