You look like a girl that would like strip clubs
My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
I think I am morally bankrupt
she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
so the guy who showed me the apt today is now texting me and asking me out for drinks...he's at least 20 yrs oldr than me and highlights his hair, but part of me is wondering how low i can talk him down in rent during sex? wrong?
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
Randomize
