if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
My dad just informed me that I may be entitled to $1700 worth of stimulus money... looks like that hitachi is coming sooner than later. Let's hope for the best!
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