If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
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