No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
Randomize
