what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her.
That was definitely the right answer.
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
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