Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
Man, i was looking at the pictures i took last night in one i was on the Kentucky line fist pumping with a hobo..wth happened?
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
Randomize
