I cannot find my penis.
Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
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