Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
Randomize
