did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
Our teacher totally just got outed in class by a speaker from some lesbian cooperative house
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
Randomize
