I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
Randomize
