I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
Randomize
