thx for the lesson on dirrty dancing
he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
Randomize
