You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
It starts with an S and ends with arah just gave me a bj.
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
Let the clothes fall where they may.
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
How naked do you want me to be?
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Randomize
