It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
Randomize
