Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
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