We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
He def has a gf... But hes 7 feet tall and that superceeds any morality I may have.
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
Randomize
