He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
I would never do this in real life. It's only college.
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
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