Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
Randomize
