found the other keg... it's in the tree
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
I'm pretty sure I have enough material at this point to start a blog called Guys I've Banged in Pictures together. Why does this keep happening to me!
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
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