a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
Just took my morning after pill in the library
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
Randomize
