When you want to head down the cleveland on Sunday?
What time do the bars open? I dont want to remember how bad theyre gonna lose
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
Ok ladies its the usual spring break system. 5 for a guy, 10 for a non-lesbian girl and double points is its a group thing. Hottest guy of the day is an additional 15. GAME ON
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
Randomize
