I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
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