I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
I don't think we should have started that trash fire
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
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