Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
girl in front of me in lecture is looking up on ask.com about chlamydia.
Hurry up I might actually study if I am left alone
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
Randomize
