one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
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