He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
yes he's amazing in bed. he made me like, black out. everything went black it was weird. so yes, i'd fuck him again. plus, he has every season of buffy on dvd
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
There's glitter all over his bed from my Pink VS panties... I think I might invest in similar styles as a way of marking my territory just incase.
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
Randomize
