I must be too annoying 4 u.
addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
Randomize
