Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
my phone cant type all the emotion im having
I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
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