I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
i just googled "who won the civil war" . how can i still have a 97% in this class?
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
Randomize