Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
Pride log, day two. Noticing more bruises and scrapes. Liver functions probably very lowered.
Randomize
