apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
Randomize
