The spoon I was using to ice my hickey just fell out of my purse while i was paying at the liquor store. I look like an alcoholic with a meth problem.
sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
operation have a gay friend backfired
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
shots, cocks, socks. bingo
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