So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
Please don't use social media to get back at me.
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
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