Apparently every Tri-Delt knows what I did and I am blacklisted from ever dating anyone in that house.
Well ya you lied, told her you cared, took her virginity and then broke up with her at Christies Toy Box.
I honestly thought the dildo was a nice parting gift.
Should I ask him to prom mid fuck? That way he has to say yes.
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
Randomize
