Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
I take back everything I said about communal showers
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
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