So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
Literally had sex in his grow room under a plant.. ganja queen .
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
Randomize
