Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
Randomize
