Contrary to popular belief alot of woman do actually enjoy sucking cock.
Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
Randomize
