i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
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