M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
Randomize
