i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
Even her dad came up for the body shots. Wasn't sure what to do so I just laid there and let it happen...
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
Randomize
