To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
He's 5'2" and his dick 4'8"
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
Randomize
