If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
We saw some woman wearing leather pants. It was weird. We have decided to follow her on her travels to see where people go in leather pants in Michigan.
Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
Randomize
