dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
He lets me throw up in him even if i do it mistakeily- erica talking about the toilet
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
Randomize
