U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
handjob tips. give me some.
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
Randomize
