what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
Randomize
