My entire life is one complicated drinking game
so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
the only thing i can think of after seeing avatar is "when are they gonna make avatar porn?"
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
Hes wearing a shirt that says warning shitshow and i cant help but think his attorney made him wear it so ppl know the dangers.
Whatever happend to that lawsuit where he got sued for shittig in that fish tank
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
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