Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
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