I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
my summer class's final was canceled bc it interfered with the world cup. he is giving us all A's on it. I love europe
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
Welcome to drink and talk like a Russian afternoon.
Pirate drinking day will be planned for shortly
I approve this so hard.
We were destined to go to rehab together
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
Randomize
