I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
If a "boob" guy and an "ass" guy are discussing which you are better qualified for....just let them
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
Randomize
