i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
all ten of us were sitting in his room with the lights off and staring at his colorful moving screensaver for two hours. That high.
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
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