i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
I'm bleeding and have questions
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
Randomize
